Kim’s Courage to Find Hope

Just six months into her marriage, Kim made excuses for black eyes, broken bones and missing teeth. A few years later her little boy died—and his father was responsible. How did it all go wrong?

Kim’s parents weren’t family oriented. As a child she received no hugs or cuddles, protection or guidance. Home was a business-like environment.

“I left home at 15,” says Kim. “I could never be a kid. I was my mom’s maid, always cooking and cleaning, and I didn’t want to do that anymore.”

By 17 Kim was married to a man twice her age.  Her mother said he would be an ideal mate, but it wasn’t long before he slapped, kicked and punched Kim.

“I learned to do what I was told,” says Kim. “But it was never to my husband’s standards and I would face the brutal consequences.”

Heartbreak and more heartbreak

“I was naïve,” says Kim, “and I didn’t realize the extent of my husband’s drug and alcohol abuse. We had a trucking business and, one day, he took our young son with him. There was an accident—my husband’s fault. He walked away and our child died at the scene.”

“The loss of a child isn’t something you get over,” says Kim. “It’s something you learn to get through.”

Kim’s anger, guilt and sorrow over the loss of her son led to a deep depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Following a suicide attempt, Kim, 21, was institutionalized for many months.

In the hospital Kim learned coping skills and, after her release, life was better. Kim had maintained a good relationship with her step-father whose love and support gave her stability, a home in an upscale area of town and hope for a brighter future.

When Kim discovered her step-father had Alzheimer’s disease, she willingly became his full-time caregiver. Overwhelmed by the workload, and to alleviate other responsibilities, Kim asked her older son to manage both her finances and her step-father’s.

“Needless to say, I was dumbfounded when it was discovered that my son stole my life savings of $50,000 and my step-father’s $250,000 that was set aside to secure my future,” says Kim. “My step-father and I were left penniless and living in a motel,” says Kim. “Life was really awful.”

Meeting her needs

­­­In 2009, through the court system, Kim was referred to The Salvation Army’s ant-theft program in Oshawa, Ont.

“I had pinched some sliced meat at the grocery store,” says Kim. “I was desperate.”

When Kim walked through the doors of The Salvation Army she was lethargic, unmotivated and hopeless.

“Kim was quiet and couldn’t open up due to past hurts,” says Laura, Kim’s support worker. “She didn’t know how to deal with anything and it took a lot of courage for her to trust again.”

Through the anti-theft course, Kim learned how to avoid negative influences and gain better self-control. She credits her success to Laura, who she could count on, and to the Army’s trustee program, which manages her finances and ensures her bills are paid.

“It’s been hard to move forward,” says Kim, “My grief still comes in waves and losing a child changes who you are. Through The Salvation Army’s unwavering support, understanding and concern, I am stronger and can see beyond my sadness. They have a permanent home in my heart.”